What triggers you? And how do you deal with it??
How many times a day to you find yourself being triggered in some way? And how often do you really give yourself a hard time for it? Or get really ticked off at someone else for triggering you?
I have some strong triggers and it’s been a real journey for me to figure out why, and how to manage it when it happens.
When I started reading more about this issue, it seemed to me that so much coaching around it focuses heavily on being triggered being a bad thing and how to “stop it" at all costs. For various very good reasons of course. But I must confess I haven’t found that approach very helpful in working with my own challenges!
Then I started to realise that in most instances when I felt triggered, it was because something I really valued had been impacted. So I started working on developing a way or steps to help me (and now many of the people I work with) to practise undoing the Trigger / Guilt cycle and build healthier choices in trigger moments.
I've called it the REACT model, and it starts with realising that triggers are in fact very useful sign posts to our deeply held areas of value - and understanding that our responses are instant and deep there because of it. But that doesn’t mean our actions in those moments are always useful, to us or others, in fact often the opposite. So in this model, I also wanted to try and figure out a better way to work with our triggers instead of against them.
In your own trigger moments, why not give it a try and REACT like this:
Recognise - that you have been triggered, by becoming aware of the sensations deep in your gut, as well as other physical responses. Words like "I am feeling so triggered right now, how fascinating...", can be useful!
Encourage - speak kindly but firmly to yourself : "I see you and it’s ok that you don’t like this!"
Appreciate - be conscious that it is most likely because of one or more of your inborn and natural talents and therefore what you value, that this moment is triggering for you. If you know WHICH talent or value, it’s even more powerful. Look at your top 5 - 10 CliftonStrengths signature themes for clues to these values. For example, did you know that road rage is often related to the core values of respect, safety for oneself and others, and powerlessness? In this step you're starting build an appreciation that it's because of your very gifts and talents that these things have the effect that they do.
Choose your response and boundaries actively - taking care not to go against your own values, because this is where that horrible guilt lies. Eg. I can now choose not to respond disrespectfully or judgementally when I have been triggered by disrespect or unfair judgement.
Treat yourself and others with compassion. This process is hard, and it always will be. But often people are simply unaware of how they have triggered you. Aggressive, rude or dangerous behaviour could also be masking someone’s own fear, pain or uncertainty.
This is the REACT model. It is based on over 13 years’ work with individuals and teams using CliftonStrengths. I hope you find it useful in helping you identify and appreciate the values you hold close, and how you respond when it feels these values are being "stomped on" in any given moment.
What makes this approach different is that it is rooted in celebrating and appreciating what’s right with us and how that drives what we value.
And, as the movie Monsters Inc taught us, positive appreciation and energy is so much stronger in helping us change and grow than criticism and beating ourselves up!
Let me know how it goes or if you have any thoughts or tips which could help make it better - I'm always happy to chat more!
Dee
